I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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