Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
