you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
