I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
