First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
