the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
