If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
