Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You work out of a Hotel?
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
