just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
the day after is always just damage control
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
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Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
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He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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