If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
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and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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