my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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