I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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