so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
