Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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