I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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