R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
please come you make the beer taste better
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
