Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
