If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
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