we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
