She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize