Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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