im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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