OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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