She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
