I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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