New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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