She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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