Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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