she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
