She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Operation Purity has been aborted
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
