Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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