Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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