He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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