she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
