why didn't you poke me back
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
