he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
