Please, let me fuck your mom
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
