On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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