If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
