Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
