just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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