dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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