i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
