So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
