Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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