She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
