She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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