I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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