Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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