im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
