There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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