6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
