Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
