i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
soo... how was my night?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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