No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
