how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
