I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
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