i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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