sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
