I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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