Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
