I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
