He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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