my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
