No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
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