they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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