he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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