Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
