he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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