If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
you never un-have a 4some
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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